A Blog Fast & Some Answers

I have come to the conclusion that I need to fast from the blogging world (and probably the news world too) for a while. That means I probably won’t be posting anything for a while and I won’t be reading much of anyone. It’s true, there are a few blogs that of such immense spiritual value that I will actually need to keep up with them in support of what I am working on during this fast, but I won’t be commenting either. Those of you who fall under that banner know who you are and can trust that if I have something I really need to share with you, I will email or IM you. You can also feel free to email me if you want my feedback on something. For those who have access to my private blog, I probably will be posting more over there as I have neglected it and it is just that particular matter that I need to be more focused on (the path, not the blog).

I have been physically sick for some time, a couple of different issues that seem to be coming in waves. Besides that I have been emotionally and mentally drained. And yet I have taken what little energy I have and channeled it into things, that while not entirely non-beneficial, have not been where my priorities truly lie. I haven’t spoken to my Shaykh in three weeks, I have neglected other matters that really should be number one in my life. Those of you who know me would be shocked to hear that I don’t remember the last time I picked up a book (other than to unpack them, and to get those quotes from Malcolm X this past weekend). I, who am known for never going anywhere without a book, for reading while walking down the street, etc. haven’t read anything in some time except on-line.

On the up-side, because I don’t want you all to think this is just depression talking, I also have some writing assignments, alhamdulAllah (thank you, ukhti wukti you-know-who-you-are) and hope that getting through those will also help propel me back into real work on my novel.

Everyday is a gift and for some time I have been squandering it. Every approaching moment could be my last and I have left so much undone. This cannot continue.

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One of the areas where I feel I have mis-spent my time lately is in the whole feminism debate. There was a purpose to my manifesto, and I needed to get it out of my head. But often my blog is as much a personal space for working things out in my own head as for engaging others. So really, it wasn’t meant to garner as much attention as it did. Not that I am complaining, just saying, it really was more a personal thing. It’s not even a perfect representation of my thoughts on the matter. It’s also clear that most of the women who read it and made judgments about me do not know me and judged me solely on that one piece.

But, this is the last I am going to say on it because I have other things I need to attend to. I am not saying that fighting for women’s rights, children’s rights, human rights, racial justice etc. is not important. Clearly those are things that are very important to me. Others may find it offensive that I would prioritize something above what they most cherish, but my prioritization should not be construed as a judgment against the priorities of another. What I am saying is that I have some intensely personal spiritual work to do that needs to be put on the front burner right now. In the long run, this will actually be beneficial to my ability to properly support those other matters.

I know I told some people that I would answer some of their points regarding the anti-feminism manifesto, but the truth is I don’t have the energy or time to deal with it right now. Sorry, I know that means people are going to think I’m saying they aren’t important, but I have to do what I can do and what is most needed for myself right now. I don’t “owe” an explanation of my feelings and thoughts on feminism (or any other ism) to anyone. I don’t have to justify my reality, and frankly, right now I just don’t want to.

What I will say before closing the matter out is that I think my very personal post has been blown out of proportion by some people. It is funny to me that most WoC who read it have supported it even while disagreeing (sometimes strongly) with parts or even all of it. Some of them have been hurt by it, and for that I do apologize and ask that you remember: this isn’t about you, it’s about me. But most white feminists who have read it have indeed taken it as a very personal affront to their beliefs about what feminism is. They say they are offended by my tone and by “disdain” (my word, yes) for what they most cherish. But… those white feminists chose not to engage me directly on my own blog. Instead, they went to another blog where they are frequent commentors and probably felt “safe” and talked about me rather than to me. They seemed a bit surprised when I showed up there and answered to them. They also don’t seem to realize that I have read their comments on other previous posts. While they are up in arms about me writing on my own blog about something that is offensive to all they hold dear, they have written repeatedly in comments offensive things about what I hold dear. Apparently, it is acceptable to speak in ignorance and denigration of Islam and Muslims, but whoa, who do I think I am to speak about feminism?

Which proves exactly what I dislike about feminism as I have experienced it and many women who claim to be a part of it. I am not disputing their right to lay claim to it. And contrary to popular belief, I am not saying that all WoC should be ashamed to claim it. Each of us has our own experience and reality. For some women, working within the movement is what works for them, it is what they need, and I fully support their right and ability to do so. (Sidenote: BA - I am looking for your email because I would like to discuss directly and privately with you your concerns and apologize for the hurt feelings). All I’m demanding is the same respect: that I am not required to join up to legitimize my reality. And recognition that not joining up does not mean I am working against anyone in those movements.

One of the biggest problems with the discussion is that some women (particularly white feminists) questionned “where are you getting this stuff”, which again, proves exactly why I feel as I do. Just because it has not been their experience does not mean that my experience is invalid or a lie. It isn’t anyone else’s right to say that my experience “isn’t how it really is” as some tried to do. This is a way of attempting to silence me and I do not accept that. My experiences are “how it really is” for me and for others I have known. It certainly isn’t the only way it is, as clearly others have more positive experiences, but it is still part of the story. I’m not denying anyone else’s experience with or in the movement, I am only sharing what mine has been and saying that doesn’t work for me. I sensed an awful lot of “you’re wrong” instead of “okay, if the movement isn’t relevent to you that’s fine” and “well, we all have different realities and they are all valid“. To you be your way, and to me be mine. It doesn’t mean we avoid each other or refuse to support each other when and how asked, it just means we agree that we have different needs and methodologies.

I also want to clarify - because this really been lost on most people - a big objection I have to the movement is because it is secular. Not that I think it should be bogged down in religion, nor that it is possible for it to do so because in the process it would end up excluding women of some religious backgrounds. It’s not a “problem” with the movement that it is secular, that’s how it should be so that it can most help the most women. But for myself, I don’t need to align myself with secular movements because my spiritual practice provides what I am yearning for. That is not necessarily true for all women, and it isn’t because their spiritual practice is wanting. But for me, that’s how it is.

One last thing before I close this subject: I was asked (by a white feminist) what I meant by Western feminism being built on the backs of women of color. She insisted that “ignoring” is not the same as “building on the backs of”. And she’s right, it’s not the same. But “ignoring” is also not all that happened. As a white woman invested in the movement, she may not be aware of (or may not care to admit to) this difference. It is true, women of color were (and are) largely ignored by the movement. But the movement existed before upper class women took it upon themselves. It existed in non-white communities. The reason, in my controversial view, that upper class white women decided to “fight for their rights” was because they realized that the men in their lives treated them very similar to how they in turn treated their servants (poor white women and women of color) and, believing themselves to be better than servants, they decided to fight that. Then they also realized that many of their servants (women of color in particular) were afforded more respect by their men because they came from cultures that were more woman-centered or had already fought and won (at least some of) that respect. The white women were darned offended to see colored women and poor women getting better treatment from their menfolks, so they took what they could from those women’s strengths and attempted to apply it to their own fight for rights. Basically, they only had a movement because they were jealous of colored women, and they were invested in pushing colored (and poor white) women down in order to raise themselves up. (It is also true that a huge part of white women raising themselves up involved demonizing men of color.) A basic element of proof of this is the difference between how colored and poor white women organize versus how white women organize, both historically and continuing until today. Whereas colored women and poor white women do not have the luxury of leaving their life duties to the side in order to participate in activism, white women do: white women get a poor or colored woman to take care of their children so they can go get active (which is a two-fold reality: 1 that they are “freed up” and 2 that they are keeping those other women from being able to participate). On the other hand, poor white women and women of color rarely participate in activism without their children alongside them. This is a very powerful message, and frankly, I believe it is one reason that WoC are more successful in the trenches and dirt work of the fight: because they don’t compartimentalize their lives but recognize how this fight is about fitting all their pieces together. They also by bringing their children along raise a new generation of thoughtful people who believe in their inherent rights and respect strong women.

I reject western feminism as something that is not applicable to me. That doesn’t mean I think the ideals of the movement are 100% wrong, nor that I disregard the many women who have benefitted from their involvement in the movement. I have and will continue to support the ideals of feminism which are also the ideals of Islam. I will not however allow others to define for me what I should and should not support, nor allow others to speak for me and effectively silence me with their opinions. I am for supporting individual women’s voices and ask that I be afforded the same respect. I simply don’t feel the need to fit myself under a particular banner in order to achieve legitimacy. I fully support other women’s choices to do so and stand by them and wish to highlight their individual and collective voices. I promise to let other women speak for themselves and acknowledge that their reality is completely legitimate and valued, and am only asking that they afford me the same.